|
Taking your partner home ot the family in Indianapolis to meet your parents can be terrifying. Everyone has some expectations and your family might want to compare to previous partners. I's a lto fo pressure to perform for your date as well. It's hard to create an event that will be comfortable without offending anyone.
We've all had experiences meeting the parents. Some are good and some are bad. We asked singles to provide tips for making the meeting less stressful and more successful that they had tried in the past. Here's what we found out:
1. Set expectations
"Unless you've already gotten engaged, don't portray him as your soulmate, counsels Ellen, of Merillville, IN. "That opens up the right for your family to pelt your partner with deep and unforgiving questions that might just not be warrented yet"
Remind your parents that the relationship is vital to you, but isn't at a stage for that level of commitment yet. You don't want to scare them off.
2. Set aside time for just you and your partner
"It's easy to feel like you're being scheduled for every minute when you visit the family," says Robyn, from Indianapolis.
"On our first trip home, I gave my girlfriend from Indianapolis time off. She had some 'alone time,' and I got some time by myself. It gave all of us a break from the pressure"
3. Establish rules
"My parents are very convervative and would be critical of the French during the beginning of the Iraq war," says Raymond, of Wanamaker. "So I asked them to keep down the rhetoric when I brought my new French girlfriend home. I also reminded her that had different views. She said she would be as forgiving of them as possible once we had this understanding."
"Raymond was very clear to me and his parents that he wouldn't accept any predjudice. We were commited to each other," says Monique, also of Wanamaker "I appreciated the effort and respect they showed during the visit."
4. Don't be negative
"If you tell everything about your family, your partner won't have any room to make their own conclusions about your family," says Chris, of Meridian Hills. "Even true things that are negative will prejudice your partner and create an unhealthy start to the visit."
"My wife told me some dark thinks about about her mother, so I went to Indanapolis expecting her to be a real loser, but she was very nice to me. The acutal visit changed my whole view point."
5. Above all take it easy
"If you come in stressed that might be the worst thing," says Curtis, of Old Northside. "I got a massage in downtown indanapolis for me and my girlfriend before we arrived at my parents house so we were relaxed and calm when we got there."
Tip: "Curtis also made sure we got exercise in each day, which helped us both stay calm," explains cindy. "We reduced the stress of the first meeting by staying loose."
|
|
Hey Chuck - Music and Relationships in Indianapolis
|
Hey CHUUUUUUCCCCK!
My girlfriend Robin and I have been together for nine months, and thigs are fine. She's the nicest person I've ever met in Indanapolis. There's one problem: I'm in to really hardcore heavy metal. I need my music. I get up two hours before work most mornings so I can bust out my guitar and rock out. She, on the other hand, doesn't like metal at all. She claims she likes rock, but it's really soft stuff that I really don't like. This seems to be such a big deal to me. Do you agree? I'm really afraid that she'll dump me over my music. Any ideas?
-Headbanger in Brendonwood
Hey, Banger from Brendonwood
You are putting me in the middle of a choice between a girlfriend and music? Me, a dude who has 2 tons of CDs, three maxed out iPods, four drum sets, and a 25-year-old Joy Division t-shirt? This might just be more than I can handle.
At any rate, if Wendy is the sweetest person you've ever known, hold on to her, because that doesn't happen all that often. Someone like that isn't going to want to put you in a position where you have to choose between your GWAR cds and her. Keep in mind what's important. You can be with a real sweetheart or practice your Neal Pert drumrolls. To be honest, I think you can do both.
Teach
You've told me you are metal addict, so I'm sure that you don't think that all metal is of the same quality. Maybe she has the idea that it's all leather wearing and posturing. She might not have ever sat down and listened to a classic from Iron Maiden or Tool. The classic tactic of making a mix CD doesn't have to just apply to love songs. It's your chance to sit down and explain what makes all of the songs important to youso I'm sure you're aware that here in Indianapolis not all metal is created equal.
Listen
After you've shown her your metal basics, it's your turn to let her play you some of her favorites. Robin will love that your aking some time and interest in her CD collection, and you might find some new music too. It's easy to dismiss an entire style until you've given it a chance. It's a great chance to show that you are doing what you are asking her to do..
Don't fix what isn't broken
If things are going fine with Robin, why mess around with a good thing? It's fine for a couple to have different interests. If you were in to tennis and she wasn't that would be fine, right? Some people share everything with their partner, but others have very different interests. Either way can work if you are willing to put forth the effort.
Wow. Looks like I have to do so shopping on iTunes now...
|
|