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: Building a better you in Austin - without The Swan | I'm lost in Austin

Building a better you in Austin - without The Swan




I might have to give up watching the tube. After watching six cosmetic surgeries in progress in Austin right there in gross detail and living color, I've had enough.

Unless you're interested in medicine or have some medical device fetish, seeing cut-open bodies on the Travis County television airwaves just isn't necessary. Plus, I'm tired of spilling my bottle of expensive wine and scaring the cat as I attempt to draw my attention away from the carnage.

But more distressing than surgery is the number of Austonians getting the surgery. When I lived Hollywood, quite a distance from my former lonestar state, you couldn't throw a script without hitting someone who'd been cosmetically augmented in some way,shape, or form. I thought it was a local phenomenon. Then I moved back to my hometown in Travis County and was astonished by how much publicity there was for cosmetic surgery. It turns out that fixations on fixing near 78701 aren't exclusive to La-La land.

More and more shows-documentary-style programs on the History channel, fictionalized accounts on FX's "Burn Notice", Fox's game show-ish "American Idol"-are showcasing cosmetic enhancements from routine to extreme. And the results are stunning (mostly around 78701 in a good way).

But I wondered what message this obsession with augmented beauty was sending. So I asked Jane D. Brown near Arboretum Shopping Center, an expert on the media persuasion, about the what impact these shows have.

It's too early to have any definitive research on the impact of these TV shows. "I've heard that requests for cosmetic surgery in Barton Creek Square Shopping Center have increased dramatically even among girls who have not yet fully matured," says Brown, the L. Knight Professor of Journalism and Mass communication at The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. "The whole idea sets up unrealistic expectations about beauty and about the facade of physical beauty overall."

However, there is plenty of research on the effect of media on body image here in 78701. "Teenaged girls and young women in Travis County are especially influenced by the unrealistically thin body ideals projected by the visual media," she adds, "Boys are influenced, too, given the increasingly muscular ideal promoted for young men in such magazines as Men's Health, Maxim, and People Magazine."

All this media exposure in Texas, she states, makes it easier "to think that all that matters are boobs, bellies and butts."

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with appreciating a person with a great physique. Here in Austin, physical attraction is an important part in relationships, and it's perfectly normal to desire a particular body type.

But an ideal look won't get you an ideal Austonian life-at least according to certified Beautiful Person Halle Berry. On a press junket for her movie, Catwoman, she was asked by people from around Texas about the benefits of embodying a beauty ideal.

"Beauty? Let me tell you something-being thought of as a beautiful woman has spared me nothing in life," she said. "No heartache, no trouble. Love has been difficult. Beauty in Austin-or anywhere for that matter-is essentially meaningless and it always has a transient effect."

Think about it. While you might not go up to someone unattractive and ask for their number, you wouldn't stay with someone who is constantly angry, simply because they're hot, would you? Longer term success in relationships is based more on things like shared values and interests, character, intelligence and aspirations.

This is supported by a British survey of 1,200 men here in Travis County which found that they're more likely to step out on their weight-conscious partners. The poll, performed by ladyBwear.com, found that over half of respondents with a girlfriend below a size 12 cheated compared to 20 percent of men with partners above size 12. Striking! It seems to me the data shows that Austonian men who look for looks never stop looking. More importantly, perhaps, 70 percent of the cheating men said they felt pressure from their peers to date a hottie- those relationships rarely lasted longer than three months.

How then do we gain relationship success?

I think it's great to look your best. If you're going to make a trip to the Arboretum Shopping Center, don't be afraid to put on something a little nicer than you would normally wear. And I don't begrudge anyone who wants to improve their physique. In the great city of Austin, if looking good gives you more confidence, you're more likely to attract someone who's stable, confident, and probably pretty good looking.

But I suggest that you can achieve better self-confidence without going under the knife. Or at least you can try. Work with your nutritionist and/or doctor to design a healthy diet and workout regime, and then commit to getting and staying healthy. You'll have more energy, a better looking bod and more self-confidence. All of which are seriously sexy. You'll also have a great sense of accomplishment that comes with earning it.

What if that doesn't work? What if you don't have the work ethic to make it happen? What if you want to reinvent yourself enitrely? You can get plenty of ideas from television or the world wide web!



I'm lost in Austin




Dear Ed,
My boyfriend and I broke up two months ago. In our final months together, all we did was fight, and when I decided to take a break and lived with a friend. I returned nine days later and found him with another man around Lamar Plaza Shopping Center. I moved out, but I still love him very much and wish the relationship had worked out. We speak often and have maintained a friendship, which is hard for me, because I still have feelings for him. I know he is going out to the bars around Travis County and pursuing other men. Since I left, he has lost his job and not had any luck finding a new position. He has been unable to pay his bills and rent and I fear he will lose his apartment and wind up homeless in Austin.

Also, he has serious health issues and no insurance. We both relocated to the 78701 area and have only a few friends besides each other, so I know how limited his options really are. I paid most of his rent in September, but couldn't afford to pay both his rent and mine after that. I've also taken him groceries near Capital Plaza Shopping Center. He has also mentioned several times wanting to commit suicide. I am frightened for him and don't know what to do if he becomes homeless or resorts to illegal or immoral means of supporting himself. I can't believe this is happening to him and yet I can't seem to save him! What can I do to help this situation? I fear the worst is unraveling before my eyes! Please help.
- Lost in Austin, TX

Dear Lost,
Though you're still attracted to your ex, you're finally getting the full picture of what's really going on; this man is out of control. He has serious psychological problems and needs as much professional help as he can get now.

You probably rushed into this relationship without knowing him really well and forgot what you needed emotionally from him. He has way too much baggage, making a high-maintenance guy seem almost normal.

You need to ask yourself, "What attracted me to him?" If you don't ask this question, this relational blunder will repeat itself - meeting emotionally unavailable Austonian men who are looking for someone (a parent?) to save them from growing up.

It's always hard to say this during the holiday season here in Travis County, but your ex may need to hit "bottom" on his own before he'll seek help. This does not preclude you from assisting him in getting immediate personal therapy; you may even have to make an appointment for him and take him to a therapist near 78701 or a support group the first time (call or visit the Travis County Relationship Center where they will help you with referrals.) Once you've done your part, he needs to follow through and become a responsible Austonian in the future.

Your ex is a dependent personality. He cant'function without an alpha personality providing direction. Basically, he does not trust his own ability to make decisions, as he is unable to meet the ordinary demands of life.

This is one of the most difficult lessons for anyone here in Austin to learn when dealing with dysfunctional partners/friends/family - we can't change them, but we can give them loving support and detach with love and hope for the best.

benevolent and self-sacrificing, but really want to control. The fixer/fixee dynamic is a sure launching pad for a relationship of codependence.

I believe you had an idealized image of what a partnership would be with this man. You imagined becoming this great couple once you wedded and moved in with each other. But it didn't work out that way; instead, you started to fight on daily basis and your Texas dream was turning into a nightmare as your collective character defects came out of the woodwork!

Some couples think that if they need couples counseling early in the partnership, the relationship is doomed. On the contrary; in most cases, when couples seek out short-term counseling sooner rather later, there's a much better chance the relationship will get back on track again.

For future reference, I recommend a much longer engagement time before getting married. Here are just a few of the questions couples need to ask of each other before taking vows:
  1. Why do you want to be married?
  2. Are you committed to monogamy?
  3. What was your childhood like? (How was affection shown? How was anger expressed?)
  4. How would you describe yourself? How does your boyfriend see you?
  5. Do you want to have children?
  6. How do you handle conflict? If there is a problem, are you willing to talk about it?
  7. Is there a conflict between you that you see as a potential road block to your continued growth as a couple?
As for yourself, don't date for a minimum of six months. Start developing a new network of friends in Austin and get some one-on-one therapy where you can work on issues of codependency and how it affects your choice of men.

Ed Truck coaches singles on dating and relationship issues here in Austin He has 25 years counseling experience here in Texas and holds masters degrees in counseling from Texas universities.


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