Houston Dating Advice 

: When he won't say 'I love you?' in Houston | Finding A Warm Date In The Houston Winter

When he won't say 'I love you?' in Houston




First stereotype of the day: Texas men have no ability to verbally express their feelings.

Second stereotype of the day: It drives most women nuts that most Texas men have absolutely no ability to verbally (or otherwise) express their feelings.

Like most Houstonians, I don't like to do any gender pigeonholing, but in almost every stereotype, there's a grain of truth or two. In this case, I can speak with more authority than most people in Harris County: A survey of my immediate Texas circle of friends shows that 66% of Houston women want to hear their men proclaim their passion, while 50% of guys from Harris County are unable to do so. This isn't to say that we Y-chromosome types who like to go to Meyerland Plaza Shopping Center aren't really in love with our X-chromosome mates-we really just don't necessarily express it in the obvious Texas way. Let me share what I've learned when I asked some semi-reticent Houston men and rather frustrated Houston women how the Texas "L" bomb gets dropped. It may not always take the most straight, simple path like I-45 (a.k.a., "I love you"), but if you look around and listen hard, you'll see that the feelings are often there, even when the are not:

Give a hint with gifts
"I give her presents, romantic stuff from 77001 like flowers, candy and lingerie from Northtown Plaza Shopping Center . And I always give her a card with her presents. Plus, I always sign the card, 'Love, Spanky.' Near Northline Shopping Center, it's not that I can't tell her out loud, mind you, near 77001 I just like doing it better that way. I think she'd over by Harris County like to hear it once in a while, but she rarely complains."
-Marc "Spanky", River Oaks

Say it silly
"My guy George in Houston is totally unable to tell me he loves me in his own voice. But he does really great impressions, one day it's Daffy Duck, then another day it's Johnny Carson, then the next day, it's Wayne Newton. At least he does say it, which is way more than I can say for a lot of guys."
-Lesley, Copperfield

Express your feelings with yum yum
"My fave way of telling Bridget that I really love her is to make her a Texas four- or five-course meal. She's a prefessional cook here in Harris County, so she really knows how hard it can be for a novice like myself from Houston to make a delicious dinner like that."
-Mike, Kingwood

Go high-tech
"My man Eric is the biggest computer geek in 77001, and instead of telling me that he loves me, he likes to lay out our faces on the bodies of celebrity couples doing lots of romantic things around Houston."
-Nina, Woodlands

Don't tell, Show!
"I've been married to Bernie for 46 years, all of them here in Houston. I'd be lucky if I got one 'I love you' a month. He provides for me, though. He takes me to Almeda Shopping Center or Windsor Plaza, he always takes care of me when I'm sick, he buys'just because' gifts just for me, and sometimes he even cleans up around the house. Each one of those little gestures tells me that he loves me. That's all I need."
-Arlene, Sugarland

Alan G is a Houston-based freelance writer living in the 77001



Finding A Warm Date In The Houston Winter




If you're single from Houston during the winter holidays, you might feel more like hibernating than getting out there and trying to find a date. But that'sexactly what you shouldn't do in Harris County. Don't wait till the New Year, find your Houston Hubby now. We asked the experts for ideas on how to find a great date under your tree (if not sooner!). Here, the results:

1. Run errands.
In Southwest Texas, the holidays are full of errand-running and gift-getting. Why not use that as a means of meeting new people in the Houston area? "I make a point of chatting with other Houstonians while I'm waiting in line," says Sarah of Kingwood. "And if I'm looking for a gift for my brother or dad, I'll ask a cute guy what he thinks. Automatic ice-breaker. Just the other day, I ended up having coffee with a guy I met in the line at the Galleria."

2. Pet-sit.
Got friends and family who're leaving Houston for the holidays? Do a good deed for them, their pets and you! Offer to take care of their animals,suggests Jennifer Kelton, a Woodlands resident, author of Don't Use My Sweater Like a Towel. "Walk dogs, feed cats. You never know who lives in The Woodlands. It's a huge community with plenty of single people." Up the ante and take the pooch to a HPDA dog park - a great place to meet new people.

3. Have faith.
Have a vision of what you want in a relationship, and believe you can get it. "You must believe your vision is possible for it to manifest," says Houston-based psychologist and certified relationship coach Wendy Lyon. "Ask yourself, 'What do I believe about myself, about dating, and about relationships?' Perhaps you really believe that you'll never have a good relationship, that there's no one in the Houston area for you, that it's too late, etc. These impeding beliefs can be uprooted, eliminated, and replaced with empowering beliefs such as 'I do deserve a loving relationship, There is someone in the Galleria area for me,' and 'As long as I'm breathing, it's never too late for love.' When you have a clear vision, and believe in it fully, you are on the road to success."

4. Reconnect with your past.
Many people use the holidays to reconnect with old friends in the Houston area. Why not do this with an eye toward dating? "I had fond memories of a close friend from Alief high school," recalls a dater in Katy, TX. "So I sent a Christmas card suggesting we reconnect. A month or so later, he was in Houston on business and we met up. We've been doing the long-distance thing ever since."

5. Work the office party.
Here's a tip for you (provided it doesn't break any company rules): If you're going to the office party anyway, why not look for love among the cubicles? "There are two frequent stops at any office party: the bar and the path from the restroom," says Clear Lake, TX-based professional poker player Oliver 'Ali' Nejad. "Hanging in these areas will assure you face time with Mr./Ms. Right."

6. Mix business and pleasure.
"As a Houston business owner and single mother, there isn't much time left over to meet new and interesting people," admits Jacqueline "Jack" Perez, founder of Summit strategy Partners, a Kingwood, TX marketing company. "I have come to realize that the energy to find and get to know compelling business networking associates and potential friends or dates is the same. So, why not look at the audience pool through multiple view finders? Keep your options open; you might get that great exciting new gig or a fabulous dinner companion." Note: This isn't about flirting with clients and the like... it's about being open to making a love connection at professional organizations, conferences, and other work-related events in Houston.

7. Put the word out!
"Clarify what you're really looking for in your Houstonian partner," suggests Lyon." Then let people know what you're searching for. Show up open to meeting your match." So maybe you're going caroling or to a Chanukah party in The Champions area... there's no harm in letting your host know you'd love to meet new people. Ask and you just may receive!

Jenn Carmichael Lester is also the author of Be A Better Writer, winner of a 2007 Independent Publishers Association Gold Medal.


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